thesis

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true;" class="description">Hi! I'm Molly. Welcome to my blog!<br><br> I'm really not sure why I started journaling online for the whole world to see. I guess I just really needed an outlet. I've been dealing with a lot lately and it's been pretty cathartic to write everything down (even if no one reads it :) ).<br><br> Anyway, welcome to my life. I hope you enjoy it! <p align="right">[[Read Further|Blog Entry #1]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="description"> The choices you made revealed significant events in Molly's life that, experienced in a different order, might elicit different responses or cause a different outcome. <br><br> Try again, making other choices, to reveal a potentially different adventure to take Molly on. <br><br> <div class="containerB"> <div>[[Rewind to the Beginning|Blog Entry #1]]</div> <div>[[About the Project]]</div> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-15-16<br><br> Sometimes, the world seems like a big empty place. Sure, I have a family that loves me, friends from all different times in my life, coworkers that I see every day. But at the same time, it can feel like these relationships are truly there, especially when it seems like the same events are repeating themselves over and over again. The same fight with my parents. The same silly mistakes with friends. The same deeply rooted self-doubt. <br><br> I realize that I am not alone in feeling this way. I'm sure someone somewhere feels just alone as I do. I just wish I knew who that person was. That way, maybe we could be alone together. <br><br> Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to feel trapped in my loneliness anymore. I'm going to make more of an effort to develop true connections with the people in my life. And I'm going to start with Jeremy. I've had a crush on him for years, but I've never done anything about it. Well, I'm going to try. I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to be a big girl and try not to get too neurotic about every little thing he says and does, especially that little ellipses that appears and disappears when he's typing out a text because he keeps deleting and retyping and trying to figure out the most gentle way to let me down so that we maintain our pseudo-friendship because he only likes girls who are tiny with red hair. Nope, I'm not going to get neurotic about that. <br><br> I'm going to do it right now. I'm going to text him and ask him out on a real date. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|The Date]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-19-15<br><br> What even just happened? How did I let myself get sucked in like that? We had such a nice night, dinner was great, we grabbed a few beers after, and then bam it's the next morning and I feel like a fool. I really thought that he liked me. <br><br> Ugh, I wish people didn't make being in a relationship so important. It's not that important. I have other relationships that I can focus on. I haven't seen my parents in a while; I can give them a call. Or maybe I'll give Cecilia a call, we haven't hung out in a long time. Oh! I could just throw a party, nothing like all of your friends in one place to make you feel less alone. <br><br> Either way, this weekend is going to be great. I'm not going to let dumb Jeremy get to me. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> </div> <div class="container"> <div>[[Throw a Party]]</div> <div>[[Visit the Fam]]</div> <div>[[Reconnect with a BFF]]</div> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true";class="blog"> 9-26-15<br><br> I cannot believe that Jeremy showed up to my party. Was he serious?! After the way he treated me after our date, I was not ready to see him. It's just not fair how he can walk around like nothing even happened. How was he not even a little affected by what happened between us?! He crushed me and just <br><br> And Cec! How could she?! I mean I get that Jeremy is charming and good looking and a super nice guy. But we've been friends for years. Apparently, that means nothing to her. I'm going to try really hard to forgive her but I really don't know if I'm going to be able to. She always gets her way and just does what she wants. Would it kill her to think of me for once? <br><br> I called my mom after the party; I was just so upset I didn't even know what to do. She told me I should come home for the weekend to get away from everything. I want to, but part of me thinks that I should try to patch things up with Cecilia. We'll see... <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <div class="containerB"> <div>[[Spend some time with family]]</div> <div>[[Spend some time with Cecilia]]</div> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-27-15<br><br> That was the absolute worst idea ever. I don't know what made me think that going home would be good. Every time it's the same. They pick apart my life. "Why don't you do this, Molly?" "What's wrong with you, Molly?" "You know you'd be happier if you had someone, Molly." I thought my parents would be able to see how down I was and just leave me alone for once, but I guess that was just too much to ask. <br><br> One of these days I'll figure out SOMETHING to get my mom off my back...that thing is probably grandchildren. There's got to be something else. Why does everyone in my life have to disappoint me at the same time? Typically, when my mom picks my life apart, I give Cecilia a call. It's been a week; maybe I won't be so mad when I see her. It is silly to let a boy come between us after all. We're better friends than that; at least I think we are. You know what, that's exactly what I'm going to do. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Reconcile with Cecilia]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-2-15<br><br> Wow! Just wow! I did not see that fall out coming. Cecilia and I had such a good time last night, and then blam, 7 years of pent up anger about our friendship just spills out in the back of an Uber. I truly didn't realize how much resentment I was carrying toward her. I suppose a small part of my brain always knew that our friendship wasn't going to last. Maybe it was naive of me to think that sharing a small bond for a short period of time when we were twenty-two would sustain a lifelong friendship. Doesn't that happen for some people though? <br><br> Maybe it's me. Maybe there is something wrong with the hardwiring of my brain and heart that prevents me from having true and sustaining relationships with other people. I clearly don't have that with my parents right now, I can't seem to find a significant other to share a romantic relationship with, and poof in the course of a night out I lose my best friend. <br><br> Maybe it is me. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-27-15<br><br> I thought that a week was enough time after the party incident to get over things. But I guess not. I think I just let 8 years of tension explode.<br><br> But I didn't expect things to devolve that quickly. One minute we're laughing and having a good time, talking about Cecilia's new boyfriend, she's calling a new friend of ours that I think is kind of cute to help me get over the whole Jeremy situation. And the next minute we aren't even speaking. She has the tendency to take things way to far. And sure I guess I was a little hurtful in some of the things I said, but last night was supposed to be about her apologizing to me for being a jerk at my party. <br><br> Maybe we've just out grown each other. Does that happen? Can someone that's been such a fixture in your life for half a decade just not fit anymore? I do think that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever, but I never thought that Cecilia would fall into that category. We really don't have anything in common anymore. It's all past experiences and how we used to be. <br><br> Having one less person in my immediate circle definitely adds to the loneliness and despair that I've been feeling lately. I think maybe it's time to take my mother up on that offer to spend a weekend back at home. I could use a break. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Go Home]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-5-15<br><br> First, my love life falls even further apart than it already was, then my friendship crumbles and now my family. How did it even get to this point? Is everyone in my life crazy or is it just me? <br><br> I thought I felt alone before, but this is a whole new depth of loneliness. It's not fair. Why does everyone else get all of the things and relationships that they want out of life? Where did I go wrong? <br><br> I really need to shake all of this off. There is more to life than just a reliance on other people. I can do things on my own. I don't need to be surrounded by other people all the time in order to feel fulfilled...right? I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-20-15<br><br> Was that fight even real? That was intense. I can't believe that even happened. I'm sure it'll blow over though. It always does with Cecilia. We'll be fine in a few days...I hope. <br><br> We're just both passionate people, that's all. I remember this one fight that we got in one time in college. I don't even remember what it was about but I know we went a month without speaking. And then she got sick at a party we were both at and I couldn't help but jump in to take care of her. She just needed me. We'll get over this one too...right? <br><br> Part of me thinks yes, but then again, this felt deep. I don't know maybe I'll go home and see what my mom my thinks I should do. Or I could throw a party and invite Cec. We'll be forced back together, but also there will be other people there as a buffer. We can get through this one, I'm sure of it. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <div class="containerB"> <div>[[Family Dinner]]</div> <div>[[Friends Dinner]]</div> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-21-15<br><br> Boy did going home backfire! I thought my mom of all people would be supportive and sensitive to how lonely I've been feeling lately. But I guess I was mistaken. Can I go home without her harping on when I am going to start getting serious about being in a relationship just once? I get enough of it with all of my friends coupling up, I don't need my mother throwing my singledom in my face as well. <br><br> I suppose that means I just have to turn back to my friends. Maybe I should have a big house party. Surround myself with the hundreds of random Facebook friends that I have and feel like I'm at least a little popular. Or maybe I'll see if Cecilia wants to do a girls night out. Nothing makes me feel better like a night out with my BFF. <br><br> <p class="signature">- Molly</p> </div> <div class="containerB"> <div>[[BFF Night Out]]</div> <div>[[House Party]]</div> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-26-15<br><br> That was so harsh. Cec and I haven't had a fight that bad, I think ever. It almost felt like she had been holding those feelings in for a long time. I'm glad she finally let it out; I just hope our friendship can recover. We probably just need to spend some time apart. And I just need to let me be selfish for a little. You know what; I'm going to throw myself a grown-up, sophisticated party. A small gathering of just my closest friends. <br><br> But my closest friends are Cecilia's closest friends too. So, I guess I'll have to invite her. I don't want to be rude. Just because I have to invite her, doesn't mean I have to hang out with her the whole time. There will be plenty of people there to buffer between us. She better not get in my way. I am this close to cutting ties with her completely! <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Grown-up Style Party]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true";class="blog"> 9-27-15<br><br> Speechless! I am absolutely speechless. What kind of jerk makes out with the guy that her best friend has a crush on. Cecilia was way out of line there. I've never been so upset with her. <br><br> She has been calling me non-stop for the past few days, begging me to get together and give her another chance. I honestly don't know if I can forgive her that easily. I mean we're supposed to be adults, adults don't behave the way she did. I mean I guess adults give each other second chances too. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just hear her out. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Forgive Cecilia]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-3-15<br><br> Dead to me. They're both dead to me! I'm deleting Cecilia and Jeremy from my phone. Their little canoodling stunt in the closet at my party was the nail in the coffin of both of those friendships. <br><br> I just need to face facts. I'm going to be alone forever. No romantic relationships. No deep friendships. Just me. At some point, I suppose I'll be okay with that. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-3-15<br><br> NO ONE! I have absolutely no one that I can depend on. I feel like Cecilia was my last hope, granted she was on my shit list, but I didn't think our friendship would just implode like that. Who am I supposed to call now when I have a crush on a boy or when I get a new job or when the smirk faced girl at the coffee shop messes up my order? <br><br> We've been friends for so long, it's just going to be so strange without her. Maybe there's room for us to mend our VERY broken relationship, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. She was very mad and, when I truly think about it, I am too. Only time will tell, but I think this might be a curtain call on our "lifelong" friendship. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 9-27-15<br><br> Well that certainly didn't make me feel better. Maybe if my family knew what was going on with the whole Jeremy situation they wouldn't have been so critical of me. Then again, bet my mom could find some way of spinning it that would make it my fault for Jeremy not being more interested. She would probably find a way to justify Cecilia making out with him too. Ugh whatever. <br><br> Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. And maybe I never can. Maybe I just need to get used to feeling disappointed. Maybe if I lower my expectations enough about how life is supposed to be and how I measure up, I won't be so easily let down. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-2-15<br><br> What's that old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, who is the same on the fifteen billionth time I get fooled. That's what happens when I let my guard down, I just get shit on even more. <br><br> Never again. I just can't count on other people anymore. If someone who is supposed to be my best friend will so cavalierly stab me in the back and betray me like that, how can I trust other people. I mean I know she broke up with Brad and she was sad, but that doesn't give Cecilia any right to make out with the one boy on the planet that I have a crush on. <br><br> I guess this just really proves to me that the only person who I can really count on, the only person who will truly never let me down, is myself. <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="right">[[Next|Monologue]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true";class="blog"> 9-26-15<br><br> Nothing like coming home and spending some time with my family to really knock my self-esteem down a few pegs. I know my parents love me and want the best for me, but they sure do have a rough way of showing it. I don't know, maybe there's something to that, maybe I needed some tough love. <br><br> And I guess there is some small possibility that they're right. Maybe I am so sad because I don't have someone who loves me. Maybe Cecilia was that someone for me. She was and is my best friend. We do have a very special bond and just because it's not a romantic kind of love, it's still special. Maybe I need to give her another chance. I know. I'll have a party and invite her! We'll be back to normal in no time! <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Get Together With Friends]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog"> 10-26-15<br><br> That's it! I'm done with Cecilia. I tried I really did. But this one was the final straw. I can't believe she made out with Jeremy when we were already in a fight. She knew how I felt about him. And on top of it all, she's been seeing someone! I mean I know that her and Brad aren't exclusive but still. <br><br> I've never been so low. This is the absolute worst. I should have just went home to visit my family instead of having that stupid party. I guess better late than never...even though I possibly could have avoided this whole love triangle mess with Cec and Jeremy. Maybe my mom will make me my favorite dinner when I go home this weekend to make me feel better! <p class="signature">- Molly</p> <p align="center">[[Retreat Home]]</p> </article> </section>

<section class="paper"> <article class="head"></article> <p> </p> <article contenteditable="true"; class="blog">This project experiments with a user-chosen narrative. Through the use of mixed media - video and text - the user can choose how the story unfolds. Depending on those decisions, the story may or may not shift. <br><br> This story surrounds a singular character - a young twenty-something named Molly. Follow Molly as she figures out where she is going in life and navigates through some difficult relationships. <br><br> This project was developed for a Master's Thesis project for the Department of Media Studies and Production within the School of Media and Communication at Temple University by Kathryn Amrhein. <p align="right">[[Back|Summary]]</p> <p>Project Credits:<br> <em>Molly</em>, Mary Kate Carr<br> <em>Production Assistant</em>, Michael Amrhein<br> <em>Production Assistant</em>, Sheila Amrhein<br> <em>Production Assistant</em>, Sarah Clemency<br> <em>Sound Production</em>, ebklein (freesound.org)<br></p> </article> </section>